Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational
asks readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing only one letter and supply a new definition.

Intaxication:
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
 Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
 Foreploy:
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
 Giraffiti:
Vandalism painted very, very high.
 Sarchasm:
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.
 Inoculatte:
To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
 Hipatitis:
Terminal coolness.
 Osteopornosis:
A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit).
 Karmageddon:
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
 Glbido:
All talk and no action.
 Dopeer Effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
 Ignoranus:
A person who's both stupid and an asshole

And if you haven't had enough of this, here is the complete list

  • Fifth Runner-Up: Foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)

     

  • Fourth Runner-Up: Fortissimoe: the musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the faces of the first-violin section. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

     

  • Third Runner-Up: Tatyr: a lecherous Mr. Potato Head. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

     

  • Second Runner-Up: Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank. (David Genser, Arlington)

     

  • First Runner-Up: Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous "Surrender Dorothy" on the Beltway overpass. (Robin D. Grove, Arlington)

     

  • And the winner of the two-foot-high baby bottle:

    Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and

    the recipient who doesn't get it. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

     

  • Honorable Mentions:

    Necronancy: communication with the late Ernie Bushmiller. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

    Contratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers.

    (Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)

    Coiterie: a very very close-knit group.

    (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

    Whitetater: a political hot potato.

    (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

    Impotience: eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

    Elepants: too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

    Lollapalooka: someone who has taken one too many turns in the mosh pit. (Philip Delduke, Bethesda)

    Auto-da-feh: the extermination of heretics via drowning in a vat of pus. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

    Stupfather: Woody Allen. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

    Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly. (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

    DIOS: the one true operating system.

    (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

    Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

    Thripp: a bug. (Bee Perrin, Washington)

    Hipatitis: terminal coolness. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

    Writer's tramp: a woman who practices poetic licentiousness. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

    Goodzilla: a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

    Taterfamilias: the head of the Potato Head family. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

    Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.

    (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

    Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease.

    (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

    Adulatery: cheating on one's wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe.

    (Joseph Romm, Washington)

    Suckotash: a dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu. (Russ Beland, Springfield)

    Emasculathe: a tool for castration.

    (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

    Sata: a mythical being who brings toys to bad children. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

    Burglesque: a poorly planned break-in.

    (See: Watergate) (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

    Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

    Genitaliar: an image-enhancing object that can be carried in a man's front pocket.

    (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

    Glibido: all talk and no action. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

    Antifun gal: a prude. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

    Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room. (Russ Beland, Springfield)

    Eunouch: the pain of castration.

    (Jonathan Paul, Garrett park)

    Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham Palace.

    (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

    Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

    Hozone: the area around 14th Street.

    (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

    Acme: a generic skin disease. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

    Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)

    Hindprint: indentation made by a couch potato. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

    Intaxication: euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. (Greg Oetjen, Lorton)

    Newtspaper: the Washington Times. (Fil Feit, Annandale)

    Nazigator: an overbearing member of your carpool. (Elizabeth Monte, Fairfax)

    Synapple: a perfect beverage to accompany brain food. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

    Socceur: the proper spelling of the sport for the next four years, alas. (Kevin Eade, Columbia)

     

  • And Lust: an unseemly craving for this position in the column. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
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