Here are some 'corrected' definitions for words that are frequently
misunderstood:

Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray'-ter\  A cook that leaves Arby's to work at
McDonald's
Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl'\  What a bullfighter tries to do
Baloney \buh-lo'-nee'\ Where some hemlines fall
Bernadette \burn'-a-det'\ The act of torching a mortgage
Control \kon'-trol\  A short, ugly inmate
Counterfeiters \kown'-ter-fit'-ers\ Workers who put together kitchen
cabinets
Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\ A clumsy opthalmologist
Heroes \hee-rhos\ What a guy in a boat does
Left Bank \left' bangk'\ What the robber did when the bag was full of loot
Misty \mis-tee'\ How a golfer creates divots
Paradox \par'-u-doks'\ Two physicians
Parasites \pah'-ih-sites'\ What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\ A helper on a farm
Polarize \po'-lur-ize'\ What penguins see with
Primate \pri'-mate'\ Removing your spouse from in front of the TV
Relief \ree-leef'\ What trees do in the Spring
Selfish \sel'-fish'\ What the owner of a seafood store does
Subdued \sub-dood'\ Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like,
submarines, man
Sudafed \sood'-a-fed'\ Brought litigation against a government official