This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to
McDonald's in Florida ... and
they hired him because he was so honest and
funny!
NAME:
Greg Bulmash.
SEX:
Not yet. Still waiting for
the right person.
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's President or Vice
President. But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the
first place.
DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock
options and a Michael Ovitz style severance
package. If that's not
possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management
hostility.
SALARY:
Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of
stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday,
Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL
SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better
suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT
EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be
here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL
CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 LBS?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate
question here would be "Do you have a car that
runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL
AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of
the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job no, on my breaks
yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE
DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel
who thinks I'm the greatest
thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to
be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE
IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?:
Yes. Absolutely.